TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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