Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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