it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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