so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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