like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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