can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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