i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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