just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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