Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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