Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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