i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
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So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
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That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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