I wish I could punch you in the face.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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