It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
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