You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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