Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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