Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
