Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
