I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
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Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
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New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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