I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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