turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
