I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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