I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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