So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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