Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I think I sprained my soul last night
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
