Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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