hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
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