I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
me + whiskey = a bad person
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
