If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
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