guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
