If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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