Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
