Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
