i was rollin on her like bob the builder
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
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I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
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I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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