Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
