If i could tip my vagina, i would.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
