Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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