i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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