If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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