I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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