I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
