My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
