I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
