Old men and throwing up are my life now.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
