YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
