Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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