is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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