yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
