the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
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