And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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