never play flip cup with pint glasses
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
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