I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
