I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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