this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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