I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
