He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
