I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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