i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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