My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
