Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
