can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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