I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
