1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
