If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
